Changing
by I Can't Believe I'm Not Anime
Summary: Changing and staying, those are two different things, right? Not in my perspective....
1. Changing or Staying?

Changing or Staying?

I'm changing.

Changing my mind, that is.

If one can call it 'changing a mind.'

Or, actually, I'm staying, the same I mean.

Every one else is moving on, making something of their lives'.

I'm staying.

My mind is changing, but I'm staying.

I'm also staying at Kurama's house.

Or is it Yusuke's?

Botan's?

Genkai's?

The oaf's?

I don't remember.

I do know that wherever I'm staying, it has good liquor.

Very good liquor.

One reason why I'm staying but changing.

I have a very good alcohol tolerance; I would have to drink two bars dry to get tipsy.

Take that, Atsuko Urameshi.

But, if you had met me a year ago, I would have told you that I refused to drink.

Now, I do.

Everyday, for that matter.

I am rarely seen without a bottle in my hand.

Doesn't matter what the drink is; I woke up once to see that I was clutching a red wine bottle to my chest.

I never liked wine.

At the moment, good old sake.

I take another drink, the sour taste burning slightly, but it dulls... everything.

I don't even know what I am trying to dull anymore.

It started, for some reason, I know.

But do I want it to end?

Probably not.

I look around, slightly realizing that I am on the floor, the side of my head resting on the table.

_Another drink. _

I think of my... 'friends.'

They have changed, for the best, I think.

Yusuke and Kayko have married, finally.

They are expecting their first child... whenever.

Kurama still lives with Shiori, still is single, and still is a smart-ass.

The oaf is engaged to Yukina.

I'm not so happy about that, but I want _her_ to be happy.

_Another drink. _

Genkai has opened a school, fighting of course.

Botan is also engaged, to Koenma.

I wasn't the only one who was surprised when they announced it.

Or maybe it was the beer...?

I don't remember.

I do that a lot, not remembering.

But, remembering isn't important, right?

_Another drink. _

I am certain I am in Yusuke's house now; no one in all of Tokyo has this much liquor.

At the moment, Atsuko and me have a lot in common.

I salute her; that human also has a good alcohol tolerance.

See I am changing.

Saluting a human. Ha!

That's a good laugh...

But, I'm still staying.

_Another drink. _

I would like to move on.

But I can't.

For some one as fast as me not moving on and watching everything else fly by, is sad.

Very sad.

And it is here when my 'host' opens the door.

Botan?

Well, she has very good taste in liquor; I'll give her that.

_Another drink. _

She rushes over, blue hair whipping about.

"Hiei, I told you not to drink!"

I look at her quizzically, shaking that bottle of sake in my hands.

"You did?"

She seems surprised that I am coherent.

I feel the same way.

"Why do you do this?"

_Another drink._

Botan kneels besides me, pink eyes worried.

I turned away, looking straight into the wood of the table.

What a pretty sight.

"Why do you drink? You drink more then Atsuko!"

"I know. Me and her just happen to like sake."

"_She_ likes sake; you live off of it. See the difference?"

"No, not really."

_Another drink. _

She sighs, and reaches out to take the bottle away.

I don't struggle.

Botan lifts it up to her nose and takes a whiff.

Her lip curls in distaste as she gets up to pour the sake out.

Foolish, she knows I always get more.

She comes back, this time with a towel.

"Why d'you got that... thing...?"

"Can't remember what it's called? It's a towel, Hiei. And I'm going to use it to cover you up."

I frowned.

"Am I _that_ embarrassing?"

Botan smiled, the first time I have seen her do so since her engagement.

"Look down, wise guy."

I do so and find that I am in what humans call 'boxers'.

Plaid green ones.

Wow.

I probably got them from Yusuke.

"They're not that bad," I argue, not moving from my spot on the kitchen room floor.

My head's still on the table.

With grace I never thought that _she_ had, she wrapped the 'towel' around my waist.

She knelt down beside me once more.

"Are you drunk?"

I look away from the... interesting wood and scowl.

"Do I sound drunk?"

"No. But you demons are hard to figure out."

I nod, crimson eyes drooping slightly.

"Where do you think we go today," Botan said as she shook me slightly.

"I don't know. Where?"

"Kayko's baby shower! Don't tell me you forgot?"

I probably did.

"Can't you see that I have a hangover, Botan? I can go next week. Or next year, which ever comes first."

Now she frowned.

"You have a hangover, yet you drank half a bottle of sake!"

"Yeah."

Man, I sounded proud.

Was I?

She slapped me.

Hard.

My head rammed into the table and I slumped to the floor with a loud thud.

Was there blood?

Oh, yeah.

"I can't believe you," Botan whispered darkly as she helped me up.

I was slightly aware of the red liquid dripping down my temple.

"Can't believe what?"

She sighed, leaving me once more to go get something to wipe the blood away.

I think it was one of the first times she caused pain on someone.

Or blood at least.

Botan came back, with a light blue wash cloth and the frown still on her face.

"I can't believe that you do this to yourself. All you do these days is drink; even Atsuko did more then that."

I sighed as she dabbed the wound at my temple, not too gently.

"For some reason, Botan, I highly doubt that."

And at that statement, she made sure to give me a hard jab in the head, or more accurately, on the wound.

"Ow! What the hell was that for!"

"For acting like a jackass. Get ready, we'll be leaving in ten minutes."

Botan stood up, scowl still in place as she moved towards her bedchamber to get ready.

I stayed where I was, on the tiled floor of the kitchen, reeking of alcohol and slightly bleeding.

"Can't I wear this to the... baby shower thing? Yusuke's worn worse."

She smiled slightly before shaking her head.

"No."

That's not new, I get denied a lot these days.

At least that's not changing.


	2. Sedative

Sedative

I'm not exactly sure how I got myself into her car.

I'm not even sure how I got dressed.

But, here I am, in the front passenger's seat wearing the same old cloak and feeling rather miserable.

I told Botan I had a hangover.

Perhaps I shouldn't have drunk some sake today.

"Are you okay," Botan whispers softly, leaning closer to the wheel.

I sigh.

"I'm fine. Never better."

Botan blinks.

"Are you sure? You're kinda yellow, and green."

You've caught me, Botan.

I'm alive, and bright as a cheerleader making the squad; fresh as a daisy, you intelligent ferry girl.

Now, be quiet and let me deal with the inconvenience of this hangover in peace.

"I'm fine, Botan. You should worry about yourself, not me."

"And why shouldn't I worry about you? You're my friend, I care about you."

I move closer to the seat, quite thankful that I don't have a seatbelt on, and swallow.

"Don't go there. Just don't go there."

She groans and turns back to the road, swerving recklessly on a corner.

"Ugh... Easy on the curves, ferry girl. I seriously don't want to have one in your car right now, 'kay?"

She giggled and then nodded.

"Okay..."

You think that this is funny, try having a hangover.

And a headache.

A bad one.

"Hey, Hiei, do you remember where we're going?"

"No... The baby shower, right...?"

"You do remember, that's good! Maybe you're not drunk, after all."

"No...but I do have a hangover, so it's not so different..."

"Perhaps..."

Wow, I think that you just made a fact now.

Call 'Guinness Book', we have a winner.

Botan turns again, not as recklessly, and I notice that now we are in Yusuke's neighborhood.

"Great... only ten more minutes..."

"Actually, Hiei, five. Tell me you didn't forget where Yusuke lives?"

"I never knew... So, no... and yes..."

"And you stalked him? I'm amazed."

I frown and bury my head into my robe.

So am I, Botan, so am I.

"Where's the Prince of Dumb-Asses?"

"Do you mean Koenma?"

I know she's frowning.

It positively radiates from the sound of her voice.

"Yeah..."

"He's got work to do today, so he can't come. And he won't be here tonight so you can come over, again."

"How long have I been staying at your apartment?"

"Two weeks."

Whoa.

It's as simple as that.

Well, at least I think it's simple.

"Hey, Botan, d'you have any of those... pills that relieve headaches... you know... the red ones...?"

"You mean 'Tylenol'?"

"Yeah."

"They're pink, Hiei. And check the glove box."

Well, excuse me for getting their color wrong.

I reach over to open said glove box and I yank it open, spilling its contents of papers and manuals on the floor.

"Thanks a lot, Hiei."

"You're welcome."

Without bothering to look at her or inside the glove box, I sift through the remaining contents till my hand rests on a pill bottle.

I pull it out and quickly open it.

Then I happily chug down some of the pills.

"You can get an overdose if you eat too much of those. You do know that, right?"

"No."

And personally, you overly joyful annoyance with a voice, I don't care.

I just want my headache to go away.

Indeed, it was five minutes until we got there, and she quickly got out of the car.

I don't bother to look out the window or to get out.

One; I don't care what's out there, I'll see it soon enough.

Two; the child safety lock is on because Botan doesn't want me to 'run away'.

Paranoid Botan.

She opens my door and I slump to the side slightly.

"Come on..."

I turn my still sore head towards her and frown.

"You're too chipper... stop it."

Botan rolled her eyes and gestured me to get out.

"Come on, don't be so pissed off today..."

Then something in me snapped.

I jolted up and eyed her angrily, eyes blazing.

Botan blinked rather dumbly and moved back.

"What the hell's your problem?"

I growled and grabbed her by her collar and pulled her close, our noses almost touching.

"Don't be pissed off? How the hell can I _not_ be pissed off! And what the hell is _my_ problem?"

" I have a hangover, a damn bad headache that refuses to go away, and a bloody wound on my temple from my 'friend' when she loses _her_ god damn temper, and you're telling me not to be pissed off!"

I growl threateningly and she stutters something incoherent.

"I know about t-the hangover and t-the headache, just don't be s-so angry. And I s-said I'm s-s-sorry about this morning, I didn't mean to."

"Says the vain of my existence," I snapped angrily and toss her away.

She stumbles back and nearly lands on her backside, but she gets back up.

"Hey, if anything is the 'vain of your existence,' its alcohol, you insensitive bastard."

Wow, Botan is also changing.

Long gone is the submissive Deity of Death that always laughed.

Now, there is only a young woman whose seen more the she could handle.

And I don't like it.

"Insensitive bastard, am I? What about you, _Botan_? Weren't you always the bubbly, laughter-filled bitch that always thought that there was goodness in people?"

Now she growled, pink eyes flaring as she approached me.

"You're not the one to use those words, _Hiei_. I'm not the one that drowns himself in sake and beer every chance he gets! I'm not the one who refuses help from people who care about him! _You're_ the one with the problem, not me!"

"Are you telling me that _everything_ is _my_ fault! You don't know jack-squat about why I started drinking, so just shut the hell up!"

Botan frowned, and placed her hands on her hips.

"Yes! It wasn't _me_ who forced your to drink, so _you_ should shut the hell up!"

"And it wasn't _me _who chose to come here! You forced me!"

"So, just go and sit down the minute we enter, jackass! I don't care what the hell you do!"

We both were yelling now, with her taking a fighting stance.

It was then that I realized that this wasn't the first fight that I had had with her.

And it wasn't the first one that used those same insults.

I remember (one of the only things that I do) when she came home and asked me if I had been drinking.

Of course I had and I responded by smashing a mirror and threatening to cut her with a shard of glass.

Botan stopped me (I don't remember how) and I awoke on the couch.

I knew why I had smashed that particular mirror, it had been a present from her dead grandmother, and I knew that it was irreplaceable.

I just wanted to cause her as much pain as possible...

So, instead of lashing out and ending her life right there, I slumped back in the car seat and sighed.

"Right... it's all my fault... I get it..."

I heard Botan gasp slightly before kneeling before me.

"Come on, let's just go, 'kay? They'll be worried about us."

And she smiled, rather happily at that, beseeching me to come.

I nodded, no longer really caring, and slid silently out of the car seat.

With a chipper laugh, she led the way to the Detective's house.

I followed obediently, keeping my head down and eyes closed.

I know, or at least I think I know, that the 'argument' ended rather fast.

Well, from what I can remember, our 'arguments' never really lasted long.

We yell, exchange insults, swear, throw things, swear some more, and then we end up being 'friends' again.

Nothing new.

So, Botan energetically rung the Urameshi doorbell and waited, with me behind her.

It wasn't long before Yusuke showed up, red in the face and laughing quite hard.

"Hey, Botan! How ya' doin'?"

"I'm doing good, Yusuke. How's Kayko?"

He laughed some more.

"The wicked witch is all right; yellin' at me about how it's 'my fault' an' all that other shit."

Botan looked at him confused.

"Your fault?"

"That she's pregnant, genius. She says it's my fault."

"But of course it's your fault, Detective. It is your sperm, right? Or, is your girl lying to you?"

Yusuke looked over Botan and his smile widened.

"An' hi to ya' too, Shorty! An' how ya' doin'?"

I scoffed lightly, avoiding his eyes.

That 'Tylenol' shit hadn't worked yet.

"I'm fine."

"Ya' sure? Ya' got a scab on your head, ya' get hit?"

You're a genius, Urameshi.

"I'm fine."

He chuckled before gesturing the both of us in.

Botan went in rather quickly, skipping playfully.

And I followed like a disgruntled dog.

When we entered, I saw everybody laughing and eating, everybody meaning Yukina, Kuwabara, Genkai, Atsuko, Shizuru, Kurama, and Kayko.

Yep, the whole gang.

I quickly detached myself from Botan and Yusuke and made my way to a gray loveseat.

She told me to sit, didn't she?

I watched her move towards Kayko, who was obviously bloated with child, and the other women.

Atsuko moved over towards Kuwabara, offering a plate of onigiri and udon served with soy sauce.

I was rather tempted to try some onigiri, I hadn't had some in a while, but the hangover and headache were still in place.

So, in a 'killer vantage point', I witnessed the oaf gobble down some udon, topped with a swig of sake.

Sake?

_Hiei_, I told myself, _you have a hangover, a headache, and have already had a drink today, relax. _

But, maybe I do have a drinking problem, considering that I was rather encouraged to go get some...

But, then of course, Botan would have my ass.

So, I stayed where I was and placed my head on the armrest of the chair.

I don't really know how long I stayed in that position.

By the time I realized that everyone besides me had changed positions, Atsuko was now serving an oden nabe dish.

Once again, I was rather tempted to get up, this time not for a drink.

I don't remember the last time I've eaten, and at the moment, I don't really care.

So, sighing reproachfully, I stayed where I was and closed my eyes, hoping for some sleep.

"Hello, Hiei."

My whole body ran cold and I gave an involuntary shiver.

"Hello... Kurama."

He didn't answer, but I felt his energy rise dangerously.

Kurama know about my 'problem'.

He can smell it on me; I don't even think that anyone else knows besides him, Botan, and Koenma.

Sometimes I damn his fox nose.

And it is obvious that he doesn't like it.

He doesn't treat me like a 'friend' anymore, heightening his energy whenever I'm near him.

I know he doesn't trust me, I don't even think he likes me anymore.

So, I curl up into a ball and remain motionless as Kurama speaks with me.

"How are you?"

I curl up tighter.

I hate the sound of his voice; all cold and heartless... so much like my own...

"I'm fine. I don't know how many times I've been asked that question..."

Kurama growled.

"With you, Hiei, it's hard to tell."

Thanks, a real confidence booster.

"Did you have anything to drink today?"

"Yeah, so what?"

He growled again, and shifted his weight on the loveseat.

"Did you have anything to eat?"

"No."

"Then why not go to Atsuko and ask her for some nikujaga? Or some ramen?"

"I'm not hungry, Suichi."

"But I insist... Imiko."

I jolted up, much to my head's displeasure, and turned to face him.

His face was impassive as he got up and moved towards Kuwabara and Yusuke, who were both enjoying the oden nabe dish.

I watched Kurama smile sophisticatedly and gladly took some of the food.

I found myself allowing my energy to grow, threatening to spontaneously combust at any moment.

But he took no notice and sat down next to Atsuko and Shizuru to eat.

Why?

I didn't do anything to deserve this.

Cringing at the sight of my 'friend' conversing with the others as if I didn't exist, green eyes flashing socially, and leaving me into the dust.

I really needed a drink.

I slowly got up, ignoring the pain in my head throbbing like a bell, and moved towards the hall.

"Where are you going, psychopath?"

So observant, aren't you, Genkai.

"Is it really any of your business, grandma? I don't think that I am any of your concern."

I didn't even looked at any of them as I made my way to the kitchen.

Looking at the modestly decorated kitchen and appliances, I searched for her liquor cabinet.

I really did need a drink.

Well, I knew that Botan or Kurama would most likely think that I would pull a stunt like this, but who cares?

I don't.

It took me two minutes to find it and three minutes to break it open (it had a lock, how safe) and quickly rummaged through the different bottles.

I wasn't sure what I wanted, and this was much more serious then the age-old question; boxers or briefs?

So, I continued my rummaging until my hand landed on some vodka.

I hadn't had some in a while, so I pulled it out, and was ready to high tail it out of there.

"Mr. Hiei?"

Great, I couldn't exactly run away with my sister watching me, now could I?

"Mr. Hiei, are you okay...?"

I am really getting tired of that question.

Without turning around, I nodded.

I'm grateful that she doesn't know about my problem; Koorime rarely use their noses to tell the difference between certain things, unlike foxes.

"Okay. Kurama told me that you didn't have anything to eat, and I was wondering if you wanted anything. I'm pretty sure there's some nikujaga out there, or some oden?"

I sighed, before placing the vodka back in it's rightful place.

"I'm really not hungry, Yukina. I'm just... tired, that's all."

I heard her sigh slightly and move closer to me.

"I can make some chazuke for you, I'm really good at it. Would you like some?"

Repressing the urge to groan or make any anti-social noise for that matter, I followed her back into the dining area where I noticed that only Kayko, Kuwabara, Atsuko, and Genkai were still eating.

Everyone else was sitting in the living room, talking about this and that as if everything was normal.

Yukina offered me a seat next to Kayko, who had one of her hands on her bloated stomach.

I could sense the child's energy and it would be a girl, probably as bit as arrogant as her father, but having the strong slapping hand of her mother.

When that child is born, prepare yourself Tokyo, Japan, for you may never be the same.

"Here you go, Mr. Hiei."

Yukina placed a polish pottery bowl in front of chazuke.

Placing the chopsticks on top of the bowl, she smiled cheerfully before she moved towards the others that were in the living room.

Suppressing the urge to stab the salmon with the chopsticks, I sighed and slowly began to eat.

As I ate, I heard Kayko eagerly tell everyone else at the table when the baby was due.

Needless to say, I wasn't paying attention.

My stomach was arguing with me, telling me not to eat anymore.

But by the looks Kurama and Yukina were giving me, the latter encouraging and the former coldly, I continued eating.

It took me a while to finish, and when I did, only Kayko and Kuwabara were with me at the table.

I slowly got up, not forgetting to place the chopsticks on the bowl and moved away from the table, my movements deliberately slow.

Well, I was pleased.

I made Yukina pleased.

But while the both of us were pleased, my stomach was not.

So, I quickly make my way towards Atsuko, when she is about to enter the kitchen with dirty dishes.

I asked her where the restroom is, and as politely as I could.

She looks down at me, eye twinkling, before giving me a crooked smile.

"'Kay, you're Yusuke's friends, aren't ya'? Down the hall, to the left, shorty. I like your hair!"

I effectively ignored the last comment and moved towards the hall once more.

Kurama eyed me dangerously as I leave his line of sight.

Oh, just fuck you, Kurama. Just fuck you...

I trudged silently to the restroom, my stomach growling and gurgling all the way.

When I enter, I slam the door shut and lock it.

I look around and notice that this place is probably more modern then the other areas, with the crystalline white walls and marble bath.

But, it's all too blinding, so I quickly made my way to the sink.

I looked into the mirror and noticed that my usually pale skin is now unhealthily pale.

There are dark bags under my eyes, and my gravity-defying hair is now slightly slumped at the edges.

Man, I looked dead.

But before I could make anymore decisions on my appearance, my stomach lurched up, and I made a dive towards the toilet.

All that I have eaten and all that I have drank come up in a triumphant spill.

My throat became sore; the acid from my stomach rubbed it raw.

I even think I see speckles of blood.

But when I think that it's over, my stomach tumbles again, reeling back dangerously and spilling out more.

That hurt.

It was as simple as that.

Now, I was sure that I saw blood mixed in, like some horrible red liquid mocking me.

I groaned; I did not feel good.

Soon, my hacking spell stopped and I pulled my head out of the no longer clean bowl.

I sat down next to the toilet, my head directly under the sink, with one of my arms twisted around the toilet.

I was so tired.

My eyes slowly began to droop as a wave of drowsiness took over.

Then, there was a knock on the door.

"Hiei? Are you in here?"

Good old Botan, coming to the rescue when not needed.

"Are you all right...?"

I growled, pulling myself up slowly, being careful not to get into the light.

"You know... I am... so... tired... of that... question... Don't... ask it... again..."

She muttered something incoherent and I decided not to press the matter.

I slouched back under the sink and sighed.

"Hiei... Kurama would like to know when you would be getting out..."

"What... Does he...think... that I'm drinking... again...?"

Botan sighed and I felt her energy move closer to the door.

"No, he's just worried."

"Liar... he hates me... now..."

"He doesn't hate you!"

I growled, turning my head to the side.

"Yeah right... He doesn't... even... want... to look me... in the... eye anymore."

She didn't answer.

Like I wanted her to.

But, maybe I did.

I don't know.

"You're speaking slowly... Are you sure that you're alright?"

"I... told you... not to ask... that... again..."

"Alright..."

And Botan left, almost as quickly as she came.

Sighing, my head lulls back against the tiles behind me, the coolness of them didn't bother me at all.

It's actually comforting.

Only slightly, though.

It kind of reminds me of... that island...

"Damn them... this is their fault... not mine..."

Liar.

I know.

And that was when drowsiness took over.

Tylenol works, the perfect sedative.


	3. Same Difference

Same Difference

I awoke, on her leather couch and facing the ceiling.

My head hurt, a lot.

Groaning, I rolled over on my side, the small blanket falling from my shoulders as I took in my surroundings.

It was dark and quiet in the house, the lights were off and the refrigerator was making a low humming noise.

I could barely make any forms in the room, but I could sense someone's energy.

Botan's.

Well, this was her house.

"You're awake," she said slowly, and I noticed that she was sitting on the armchair across to the left of me.

I tilted me head towards her direction and chose not to answer.

Besides, I think she knew the answer anyway.

"We found you... Kurama and me in the bathroom, under the sink. He said that you took too much Tylenol and that caused a minor blackout."

I nodded, closing my eyes slightly and continued to look at her.

I know she was uncomfortable, being in this _specific_ room with me.

I remember the first time it happened, it was an accident but she always blamed herself.

She came home, on the fourth day that I was staying here, and I was angry.

I don't know why I was angry, just that I was and I was throwing stuff around.

Botan stopped me, by grabbing hold of my arms and pushing me down onto the couch.

I was growling and telling her to let me go, but she didn't.

"Calm down," she said softly. "Get some rest, just calm down."

I did, after awhile and then, it happened.

I was kissing her.

Not one of those soft, sweet, love filled ones.

I wasn't gentle, it wasn't my nature.

I was rough; my tongue scratching over hers like a cat's as my nails ran across her back.

Botan didn't protest one bit.

She willingly kissed me back, rather shyly, but with just as enough intensity to make me want more.

I pushed her below me, my hands working their way under her blouse as my tongue moved across her jaw line.

Botan cried out at times as my nails pierced her skin, but moaned at other times as they hit a sensitive area.

It wasn't over fast, lasting an hour or two, and ending with me collapsed on top of her, reeking of sake and sweat.

Her hands were moving across my back in a loving notion as she snuggled closer to me, like a cat.

It was her first time, she told me so, and she also said that she was happy it was with me.

"I trust you," Botan murmured.

"But what about Koenma," I had asked, no hint of jealousy in my voice because there was none.

"I love him, but trust you," was her answer, her lips soft on my shoulder.

"That's the same thing," I answered, growling slightly and pulling her close.

She purred.

"Maybe..."

And I recalled what she had cried out at one point during our lovemaking.

"I don't deserve this!"

I asked her what she meant, and she only chuckled.

"I don't deserve you..."

"No, you meant that you don't deserve what just happened..."

"Same difference."

And now, as I sat there in the same place, making out her silhouette, I realize that she was right.

It was the same difference.

"I have a headache," I groaned, rubbing my head. Botan sighed.

"You would, your still suffering from your hangover."

"I thought it would be over by now... What did the others say?"

"Nothing much, just thought you hit your head..." She giggled girlishly and I rolled my eyes.

"Great..." I rolled back on my side and faced the ceiling once again.

"Would you like any food?"

"That's what got me here in the first place, genius."

"For some reason, Hiei, I seriously doubt that."

Oh, I hate it when someone throws a comment I used right back at me.

Perhaps, that's why she did it.

To get back at me for that day.

It's wasn't Botan's fault, I don't even think that it was mine.

Or maybe it was.

But, does it really matter.

"So... are you thirsty?"

Now, you're talking.

"No, Hiei. No alcohol."

So, we're not on the same page, then?

"No, thank you. I'll live."

"With the way you act, I don't think so."

"Who ever said that you could think?"

"No one..."

"Good. Then don't."

Silence followed and I sighed, curling myself into a ball so that I may become warmer.

I may be a fire demon, but there comes a time when even one such as myself gets cold.

Botan's energy moved from the seat to beside me, sitting on the edge and looking at me like a mother would.

"You know, when Koenma comes back tomorrow you won't be able to stay here..."

"Why not, " I asked stubbornly, watching as her pink eyes became unfocused slightly.

"He doesn't want you here. He says that you don't do your work as well when you're not sober."

I growled.

"So, he's come to the use of petty excuses?"

"No, I just made his statement sound nicer."

"Hn, what did he really say?"

But she didn't answer, just stared at me, intrigued.

"That's the first time I heard you say that in two weeks," Botan said slowly, smiling slightly.

"Said what?"

"Your anti-social onomatopoeia noise, that's what!"

It was my turn to stare at her, for she had just said a rather big and creepy word.

Not that I didn't know what it meant, it just sounded weird coming out of her mouth.

So, I chose not to answer, just scoff slightly.

She continued to smile, her hand brushing some of my hair.

I growled now, warning her to stay away.

_Do you want it to be your fault_, I though distantly.

Apparently, Botan did.

"I trust you, you do know that, right?"

"Yes, you told me so..."

She shook her head.

"No, I said I trusted you when you took my virginity. There are two different kinds of trust, Hiei."

I shook my head this time, my eyes narrowing.

"No, there are not."

"There are. I trust you, now, for some unknown reason that I can't explain," Botan responded, pink eyes uncertain.

I was just as uncertain, pulling away from her slightly. Her hand left the sanctions of my hair and dropping to her side.

"Do you trust me...?"

Botan sounded frightened, like the first time we met and I found that I hated that sound.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, though I wasn't sure it was the truth.

It probably was.

It probably wasn't.

It doesn't matter, really.

She did something I never thought that she would do; wrapped her arms around my waste and maneuvered her body so that she was in front of me and her face was on my shoulder.

"I trust you, you know that. I know you do," Botan whispered as she buried her face in the crook of my neck.

I had nothing to say, so I didn't say anything. I just pulled her closer and breathed in her scent.

"Koenma comes home tomorrow; what happens if he sees us like this," I whispered, not really caring if he did or not.

She shrugged.

"We won't stay like this for that long, Hiei, just for a little while..."

But I could tell that that little while would last longer, considering that fact that her breathing dropped slightly and her heartbeat slowed.

I sighed and relaxed slightly.

She was right when it came to trust and not deserving things and or people.

Same difference.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** This chapter is dedicated to RitSuYue for bein' the first person to review this story. Thanks, your review was much inspiration! 

Total # of Pages: 27

Total # of Pages for this Chapter: 6

Ja ne **ICBINA**


	4. Exile

Exile

I could hear some yelling it was getting annoying.

I groaned and rolled over, and relished in two new facts that I discovered.

One, I had more room to move.

Two, there was no second body next to mine.

My arms raised in a stretch, I got up and looked around the pink colored living room

In my opinion, Botan has to change the color of this room.

It's much too bright.

Rubbing my eyes, I grew focused to the light and sighed.

I had had a good sleep, one of the best I had had in awhile.

Perhaps it was the fact that there was a warm body next to mine, constantly pulling me closer.

"Look, we didn't do anything! We just fell asleep like that!"

"You fell asleep with another man, Botan! How am I supposed to overlook that?"

"I didn't _sleep_ sleep with him, we just slept! In that position, there's nothing wrong with that!"

"And how am I supposed to know that you didn't do anything else besides _sleep_?"

"You're supposed to trust me, that's why!"

I slumped down, the blanket pooling at my waist.

That was my wake up call; Koenma and Botan yelling their hearts out.

And all because her and me slept together, just not in the way that it implies.

Man, I needed a drink.

"Botan, we're sharing a house with a drunk! He has to go! You even told me that he'd be gone by the time I came home today!"

"I said no such thing! We're his friends, we're supposed to help him!"

_"Help him?_ He doesn't even want to help himself! He nearly killed himself yesterday with those pills!"

"He just blacked out!"

"So, he's a drunk _and_ a druggie! How are we supposed to help him now?"

I sighed, shaking my head as I continued to hear shouts coming from the kitchen.

I could only imagine how Koenma had found us, and I felt happy that he did.

But I was also curious as to what would happen to me, now that he had found out and wanted to throw me out.

My eyes slowly shut and their voices gladly faded away.

Why?

Maybe I should go, relieve Botan of this stress of keeping me here.

By me staying here, I was endangering her would-be-marriage.

But, I never did care for people's feelings when it came to endangering something that they hoped for.

So, that hasn't changed either, I suppose.

"Please, Koenma. Let him stay, he's my friend…."

"I know he is, Botan. But he needs to get better by himself, that's the most help we can give him."

"But you know that he won't help himself. He needs us, he needs me…."

And I noticed that both of them were refusing to use my name, they never uttered it in their conversation.

I grunted, rather angrily and my eyes burst open.

I would be lying if I said that it didn't annoy me, I would like to be called by my name then anything else, if truth were told.

I was having thoughts about going into the kitchen and tell them what I thought, but I didn't have to, for Koenma was coming out, followed by a disgruntled ferry girl.

He looked at me as he entered the living room and scowled. I scowled right on back.

"Hiei," he said lowly and I grunted in reply, folding my arms. "I don't know... _what_ you and Botan... _did_ last night, but I find that I don't really care." At this, I nearly let out a loud laugh. Koenma caught the humorous look on my face, and scowled. So, he wanted to know what was so funny...

"Lying bastard, you care _very_ much about what happened last night," I said, egging him on. And he fell for it. Face growing red, he moved towards me, skidding past the chairs.

"And what _did_ happen... you little brat?"

"Little brat... not a very good insult, considering your other form..." Koenma nearly exploded and I smirked triumphantly. But, Botan moved forward and grabbed the prince's arms.

"No," she said forcefully, pink eyes aflame. "Don't you touch him, Koenma." He looked back at her and straightened out. I stared at the ferry girl, and she looked back at me, slightly in distaste that I had goaded her fiancé.

Koenma stared down at me, angrily.

"Listen... _you_, I want you out of _my_ house, by today! And," he said, trying to sound threatening, "if I catch you anywhere near us again, I'll send you straight into prison, do you understand?" I growled; how dare he order me around?

But Koenma took my silence for acceptance and moved away, Botan still on his arm.

"But where will Hiei go," she asked, sounding frightened.

"If he likes to mooch off other people so much, he should try Atsuko... They have a lot in common." And with that, he left, leaving a stunned Botan behind. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she turned and looked at me.

She was angry, for more then one reason I could tell. I decided not to press any more buttons, knowing full well that it would just get me in more trouble.

Botan was still standing, angrily. Her eyes shone dangerously, before she looked at me.

"Hiei... You don't have to leave... you know that, right?" She was trying to sound encouraging; she really didn't want me to leave. I sighed.

"You don't want to piss him off anymore, do you?" Botan huffed and I smirked at her.

"That bastard... I really should go give him a piece of my mind," she murmured, crossing her arms over her chest. I smirked and shrugged.

"If that dumb-ass can't even trust his fiancée, that's his problem... not yours." She nodded, then sighed.

"I'm going out, 'kay?"

"To find the Prince of Dumb-Asses," I guessed, frowning slightly. She nodded slowly, her upper lip twitching.

"Yes," she murmured, as if to confirm her own thoughts. Botan looked back at me, and smiled tiredly.

She moved quickly over to her coat and grabbed a long gray one.

"Hiei, when I'm gone... don't drink... please...?" It sounded as if she was begging me and I nodded. I didn't really feel like a drink at the moment anyway; I could feel the side effects from yesterday assaulting my head.

Botan nodded again and didn't say anything as she left.

I was alone.

Again.

I lay back down on the couch, the ceiling swimming slightly in my dazed vision.

Yep, a headache was coming on.

Brilliant.

In truth, I was very bored. But I had no where to go.

Except, outside.

But that wasn't really an option, considering that outside it was cold and dreary and I had a headache coming on.

I sighed and rolled over.

Every thought I had acquired slowly went away from me as I fell back asleep.

That was the best thing I could do at the moment.

_I was in a dark room and could feel the coldness about me. _

_There were sounds... chuckling and panting... _

_Claustrophobia... panic... desperation... _

_I tried to move, but found myself frozen in place. _

_Talking or screaming wasn't an option either; my voice decided to take a vacation. _

_Forms began to make themselves known and soon I found myself staring at one: an elderly woman in a blue kimono. _

"_Look what the Imiko has become," the Koorime elder said, victoriously. _

_I tried to struggle as I stared at the woman that ruined my life, but I couldn't. She sneered in my face. _

"_A monster at birth... A monster at adolescence... a monster at adulthood... a monster at death." She chuckled cruelly and spat at my feet. _

"_Come," she said easily, like a ringmaster at a circus, "Come and see this creature..." I watched as more forms began to appear. _

_I saw the group of thieves that I grew up with. They smirked and leered at me. _

"'_E's too pretty for a monster... look at 'im! Smooth skin, like a kid's!" _

"_Kinda wish we used 'im when we 'ad da chance, dontcha' dink?" I wanted to retch and a tried to struggle again when more forms began to appear and stare at me._

"_Deception... disgrace... evil as plain as the scar on his face," a disembodied voice called. _

"_Deception..." Kurama murmured coldly. _

"_An outrage!" Koenma shouted, face contorted with anger. _

"_He can't change his stripes," said a voice, sounding like Yusuke. _

"_Disgrace," countered Yukina, her eyes shining._

"_Forshame," Botan said softly, looking away. _

"_You know these outsider types," Genkai's voice rang throughout the darkness. _

"_He asked for trouble the moment he came," countered Kuwabara's voice, mocking me. _

"_See you later, agitator!" The thieves chorused happily. _

"_Deception..._ _(An outrage!)" Mukuro called out. _

"_Just leave us alone," yelled Kayko's voice. _

"_Disgrace (Forshame!)," Rui said slowly, eyes closing. _

"_Traitor, go back with your own!" cried Shizuru angrily, cigarette lighted in her hand._

"_He asked for trouble the moment he came..." _

"_See your later, agitator!"_

_Another form loomed behind Botan and approached. She looked like the Koorime, with her blue hair and attire. Looking at Yukina with shock and Rui with hate, she looked at me... sadly. _

"_Born in grief, raised in hate, helpless to... defy his fate," she said sadly, eyes tearing. _

"_Let him run, let him live, but do not forget what we cannot forgive," shouted the Koorime elder, Rui, and Yukina. The woman looked on helplessly and disappeared in the darkness. _

_I struggled again, and heard clinking sounds as small blue stones rolled into view. Mother...?_

"_And he is not... one of us," retorted Koenma and Kurama, the former smiling cruelly. _

"_He has never been one of us... He is not part of us, not our kind," the two continued. Kurama sighed, a fake sigh, and the thieves joined in. _

"_Someone once... lied to us... now we're not so blind," called out the thief that had found me. I watched, in horror, as the leader of the thieves moved towards me, smiling. _

_"For we knew he would do what he's done... and we know that he'll never be one of us!" 'What did I do,' I wanted to scream, but my vocal cords tightened. 'I never lied!' _

_I watched Botan move towards Koenma and place her head on his shoulder, looking at me regretfully. _

_"He is not... one of us..." She disappeared in the darkness, Koenma going with her. Mukuro went next, chuckling, and then the thieves. Rui looked at me, and frowned before the darkness swallowed her up. _

_The Koorime elder smiled one last time, before she too was swallowed up in the darkness. Kurama and Yukina approached me. _

_"Deception," the fox murmured, eyes hinting gold. _

_"Disgrace," my sister said slowly, without a hint of sadness. _

_"Deception," Kurama said more forcefully, leaning into my face. I tried to pull away, but I was drawn to him. _

_"Disgrace..." Yukina's voice flowed through my brain as she disappeared. Kurama leaned closer until our noses touched. _

_I watch my friend, my first friend, glare at me with hatred. _

_"Deception..." I screamed. _

I jolted up, the dark world dissolving around me, my shirt clinging to me due to my sweat.

I was shaking violently, looking around the room fervently.

The room was a slightly blue, due to the fact that my eyes had been closed for so long, but this only caused my fears to grow.

Crying out, I nearly fell off the couch.

My heart was beating rapidly as I stood up and looked around the pink colored room.

I was still shaking and couldn't stop myself from clutching my head and crying out once more, just a little louder.

Falling to my knees, I began to rock, clutching my head as if trying to drown out sounds.

"No... they wouldn't do that... they're not like that... I know them..."

_Do you_, answered a voice, _Kurama doesn't seem to be too fond of you... now does he?_

"No... That doesn't mean... The others... Yukina... they wouldn't do that, I know."

_Oh, really? Do you really know so much about them to know if they'd abandon you? You don't, do you? _

I screamed, loudly and crumpled on the floor.

"I know they wouldn't! They're not like that...! None of them are... none of them..."

_Really? I hope you're sure about that... I really do... Because you're sanity is my lifeline... If it ends... _

"What...?"

_I'm you, dear one. If your sanity ends and the insanity begins... I may not be so nice, anymore..._

I shook my head.

"I'm hearing voices now... and talking back to them... No..."

_Really, if you continue like this, I may just get hostile... your sanity has a refreshing taste to it, dear one; I'd hate to loose it... _

"Shut up! Do you hear me! Shut up!"

I clutched my head harder and curled in a ball. I heard a faint sound but it was quickly ignored when 'the voice' spoke up again.

_Oh, are you mad, dear? You shouldn't be... I'm just telling the truth, and the truth is always better then lies, right? I should think so... what about you?_

"Stop it...! Stop it with the fucking questions!"

_Why? _

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT UP!"

"Hiei...! Hiei, calm down...!"

_That_ voice was urgent and I felt hands reach out and grasp my shoulders.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

But the hands didn't let go and I screamed loudly and began to rock faster.

_Now, you see. Maybe you were right... or maybe the detective has a soft spot for you. _

"Shut up," I screamed loudly, my eyes bursting open.

Disorientated, I tried to stand up but the hands held me down firmly. I looked at Yusuke with wonderment before I began to shake once more.

"Botan," he called, looking at me worriedly, "come in! We need some help!"

He turned back to me, eyes widened frightfully. I shook my head and began breathy erratically.

"G-go aw-way... now..." He shook his head, holding me down.

"I can't do that, Hiei. What's wrong? What happened-"

"NOW! LET ME GO, NOW!"

"Hiei," called Botan, and I felt her come closer, "calm down, we're just trying to-!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY! AND GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!"

My energy burst from me before I could stop myself and I heard shocked cries before everything went black.

_Really, dear, you should learn to control your emotions... They really will get the best of you, someday. _

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_One of Us _lyrics (c) to Disney 


	5. Pavor Nocturnus

**Warning: Mild shounen-ai (awkward 'threesome') near the middle of the story. Don't worry, just forceful kissing and neck nuzzling. Does not effect already astablished pairing. Thank you. **

**_ICBINA_**

* * *

Pavor Nocturnus

When I awoke, I was freezing, which was slightly new to me. Trying not to move my head, I tried to curl up to warm up, but I couldn't move.

Struggling a little, I opened my eyes, the light nearly blinding me, and looked down at my body.

There were beige leather bonds keeping me in place. Groaning, I shut my eyes again.

I was tied to the bed, great. My day was getting better.

"So, you're awake now... that's good..."

And to make it even better, Koenma was in my room.

Wait, room?

Opening my eyes again, I looked up at the sterile white ceiling of a hospital.

"What...?"

"Oh, so you don't remember?"

He approached me so that he was standing at my side. I looked at him briefly, and he smirked.

"You're in the hospital, Hiei, after Botan and Yusuke found you on the floor of _my_ house, screaming at someone, when no one was there, to shut up."

I frowned at his smug face.

"That doesn't explain the bonds..."

Koenma's smirk grew as he looked away from me and began to examine that room.

"While in the ambulance, once you and your energy calmed down, you went haywire again and attacked a nurse. They put the bonds on you to stop you from attacking anyone else. They even tranquilized you. Fluphenazine, I think it's called."

I looked at him curiously, not really understanding what he meant.

"I... attacked someone...?"

"Two people, actually; Yusuke and the nurse. While the nurse got knocked around a bit, with bruises and a cut or two, Yusuke's arms and hands were burned horribly. Second and third degree burns, I think."

Koenma looked back at me, and his face glowed at my shocked expression.

"Don't worry, Hiei. The nurse is just fine, and Yusuke is receiving excellent care in the burn ward. No need to beat yourself because of it."

Growling, I frowned at him.

"You think this is funny, you bastard? That I attacked two people without remembering why! You've got some sick humor, you know?"

The Prince of Reikai glared at me.

"So you think? Then perhaps you'd like to tell me why you attacked them, hmm?"

My mind stopped reeling briefly and looked away.

I didn't know _why _I attacked them, I couldn't even _remembe_r attacking them! What was wrong with me?

_Nothing, dear, nothing... Well, not to me, anyway... but I have an inkling that the infant doesn't favor you, at the moment... _

I gasped, and I knew Koenma noticed because he moved closer towards me.

"What's wrong...? You don't know, do you?"

Ignoring him, 'the voice' spoke up again.

_Hmm, that child is rather irritating, don't you think, dear one? Sadly, I don't think we can do anything about it... without risking your sanity, at least... _

Frightened, my eyes widened and a struggled against the bonds.

"Shut up," I murmured as my muscles tensed, straining tiredly.

"You're ignoring the question, Hiei," Koenma said slowly, apparently not seeing that I had something else on my mind.

_I think that that child is oblivious to anyone else's' problems. What about you?_

"Be quiet... please..."

My struggling grew even more desperate.

_Oh, dear one, don't you think you should stop now... it's no use, really. Those bonds are there to stay... _

"Shut... UP!" Shooting up violently, I felt my energy spike dangerously as I growled loudly.

Koenma jumped away from me, nearly knocking over the table behind him.

"Koenma," I ground out, allowing my energy to move dangerously around the room, "untie... these bonds... now..." He looked at me curiously, before shaking his head violently.

"I can't do that, you should know-!"

_He could if he wanted to... He just doesn't want to, does he?_

"RIGHT NOW, ASSHOLE!"

My mind began swimming back and forth as the bonds refused to move. That stupid fucking voice-!

_Now, that's really not nice... _

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Nurse! Nurse! There's an emergency!"

Screaming, my thrashing caused the bed to rock back and forth violently. Vaguely, I was aware of people surrounding me and shouting some things. One tried to touch me, and in response, I bit the woman.

I could taste her blood: that wonderful coppery substance.

"Shit! He bit me!"

_That wasn't nice, she was only trying to help._

"FUCK! KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!"

_I don't have a mouth, so I really can't listen to you, dear. _

My screaming grew louder as I jerked through the straps. I heard the straps' strained groan, and my energy calmed down somewhat.

"Hurry, tighten the bonds!"

"He's calmin' down... try some more tranquilizers!"

"NO! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

"Calm down, Mr. Hiei! We're only trying to-!"

Feeling hands on my arms, my jerking became violent and dangerous and my breathing erratic.

"JUST LET ME GO! NOW!"

"Fluphenazine-! Quick-!"

"NO!"

As my mind grew blank and my jerking ceased, I could hear relieved sounds and sighs of relief.

"I'll go get the doctor... maybe we can get him to a safer place..."

"Yeah... an' go get a Band-Aid or somethin' for that bite! It's bleedin' everywhere!"

Groggily, I fell back against the bed, surprising the nurses.

_Well, it was a good thing they stepped in... any longer, and your sanity may have left... _

Nearly jerking upwards again, I shut my eye desperately.

"No... stop talking to me, please..."

"We're not talking to you, Mr. Hiei... are you alright?"

_You never liked _that_ particular question, did you? _

Groaning in despair, I let the darkness take me.

When the world began to appear before my eyes again, I noticed that I was no longer strapped to the bed.

Closing my eyes when pain hit my head, I curled up in a ball, noticing that my normal outfit had been changed to that of a normal hospital outfit.

Sadly, the outfit just made me colder.

"Mr. Hiei... are you awake?"

Surprised by the voice, I tried to get up, but a firm hand on my shoulder held me down. Groaning, I tried to get away.

"Calm down, Mr. Hiei... I'm not trying to hurt you..."

My breaths came out in small pants and I curled up tighter. Who was talking to me _now_?

"Just calm down, please. We took the restraints off because the tranquilizers should keep you drowsy, but awake enough to talk. Do you follow me, or should I talk slower?"

Her voice was soft and reassuring and I relaxed a little bit as I tried to nod my head, only to have more pain explode through it.

"Try not to move your head, Mr. Hiei. You understand?"

I made a noise, that obviously sounded as if I understood, because she continued.

"I'm Dr. Kacheysi, Mr. Hiei... and I'm be monitoring you from now on, okay?"

Not answering, I hear the rustle of her robes as she got closer to me and placed a hand on my forehead.

Shocked, I jolted upwards, the pain in my head magnifying and I cried out.

"Mr. Hiei! Lay back down, please!"

With a firm, but gentle nudge, she had me back on the bed, the pain in my head coming in short but strong waves.

"Don't get up too fast. Your head is hurting due to the fact that once we moved you to this room and began to change you into a hospital gown, you attacked us again, and one of the male nurses thought it would be a good idea to knock you out forcefully."

I groaned; a _human_ had knocked me out... great, just great.

Her hand was still on my forehead and it rustled over my bandana and into my hair, reassuringly.

"Mr. Hiei, you may be drowsy for the next few hours or so. In your IV drip we are inserting Fluphenazine, a tranquilizer, in continuously on a minute schedule. This is to keep you sedated so we don't have another episode."

Coughing dryly, I opened my eyes and looked up at the woman that had been talking to me.

She was middle-aged, with few wrinkles already appearing, and had her brown hair cut like a man's.

Dr. Kacheysi smiled a little at me and removed her hand from my head.

"Good day, Mr. Hiei. Are you feeling alright?"

Growling, I tried to shuffle away from her, but I was too tired.

"N-no... wh-what do you th-think...?"

Nodding, she moved away from me a bit.

"I understand... I suppose, before I go into detail about how we're going to deal with you, that you may want to know how Mr. Urameshi and Miss Botan are doing?"

Eyes widening as I coughed again, I gave a feeble nod, trying not to hurt my head.

"Alright then. Mr. Urameshi's burns have started to heal wonderfully. If you don't already know, he received first to second degree burns on his hands, with third degree burns up to his elbows. The cause is unknown, but we are aware that it happened before you were brought here."

"Miss Botan received first degree burns around her ankles and wrists, and surprisingly, no where else. She is also healing just fine, though has been rather aggravated that she hasn't been allowed to see you."

Kacheysi smiled at me, as if she knew something I didn't.

So what if Botan wanted to see me? Couldn't this woman see the engagement ring _on_ Botan's finger, and the _absence_ of one on mine?

"That is all, Mr. Hiei. If you'd like to talk to them, you may do so... at about lunchtime. Until then, you have orders to not leave your rooms, for monitoring."

"For... w-what?" My speech was shaky, and my heartbeat quick.

"Mr. Hiei, from what Mr. Urameshi and Miss Botan have told us, they think that you were not in your right mind when they found you. You were screaming and shaking violently and weren't exactly coherent in your words."

"They say when you finally realized their presence, you told them to go away and when they refused, you went haywire. The same thing happened in the ambulance and your other room just hours ago."

"Now... I understand this may be upsetting to you, but that also means no one can visit you. That alright?"

I didn't really care, and shrugged her question off.

"That doesn't... e-explain what's wrong w-w-with me," I murmured, still shaking. Kacheysi nodded.

"From what we've witnessed and heard, I believe that you are suffering from night terrors... do you know what they are?"

"No..."

"A night terror is very different from a nightmare, if you didn't know. As what had happened to you, when I believe Mr. Urameshi tried to 'awaken' you, persons experiencing a night terror are not fully roused, even if it seems they are, and can still experience the night terror."

"This is what most likely happened to you when you yelled at them, you were still experiencing the night terror. Also, what happens in the dream is usually different and cannot be remembered. Do you know why you attacked them...?"

Did I? Frowning, I tried to remember. There was the argument between Botan and Koenma, then Koenma became rather bitchy about me staying in his house, then the ferry girl left to go talk to him, and then...

"No... I-I can't..."

Kacheysi smiled grimly and moved to sit down on the side of my bed. Looking at me curiously, she sighed.

"Well, that's one clear sign of a night terror. Another is that they are usually extremely disturbing, graphic, and or violent. And you usually feel more emotion then actually dreaming about an event. If people remember the night terror, they are reluctant to talk about it, due to its nature and the feelings that were felt during the dream."

"Does this make sense, Mr. Hiei," she murmured, looking at my pale white face.

"Y-yes... but, if I'm h-having night t-t-terrors, how will you tell?"

"By monitoring you. Due to the Fluphenazine drip, you will most likely be asleep for most of the monitoring. Then we can see if you act as if you are having a night terror. Don't worry, Mr. Hiei, the monitoring process is painless. At all times, I will be in that room," and she pointed vaguely to a mirror I hadn't notice before.

"Two-way... m-mirror...?" Kacheysi smiled and got up from the bed and moved towards the 'mirror'.

"Yes, Mr. Hiei... I can see that the tranquilizer is having effect now, so I'll go... when I come back, I'll explain some more things about night terrors... alright?"

Moaning, my eyes blinked a few times, distorting the image of the woman.

"Y-y-yes..." Darkness swamped my mind and I heard a reassuring chuckle.

"Good night, Mr. Hiei... sweet dreams...

_Darkness once more surrounded me... but I could move... _

_"Hello?" _

_No one answered back, and I was safe in the knowledge that I was alone. _

_"Hmm... been awhile since I've seen me..." _

_Jumping, I looked behind me, surprised to see yellow eyes staring back. _

_"Hello me, it's me again." _

_With a wry smile, my majin self backed away from me. I stared at the green skin that was swarmed with eyes and he smiled, noticing my stare. _

_"Different, isn't it? Looking at yourself... hearing yourself." I backed away from him, only to run into someone else. _

_"What's the rush? I'd like to have a chat with me too." _

_Turning around, I looked at my more humanlike form, only with the Jagan fully opened and black and purple flames curled around 'its' body. _

_"I wonder... which form do you prefer," he said slowly, smiling predatorily. _

_"His," the majin form said, coming closer, "or mine?" _

_"I..." My humanlike form scoffed. _

_"Hn... try breathing, that may help..." It was only then that I noticed that I hadn't been breathing regularly. _

_"So, are you breathing," the majin form said, before disappearing and reappearing by my side. _

_"So, are you breathing," continued the other, appearing on my other side as he curled his arm around my waist, "now, now...!" _

_"Are you breathing? So... are you breathing," said the green monster, draping his arm over my shoulders as he leaned in towards my ear, "now!" _

_Jumping away from me, the other one moved in front of me and gripped my shoulders, while the majin stayed by my side. _

_"Wake up, are you alive, will you listen to me?" _

_"I'm gonna talk about some freaky shit now," the majin cut in, still very close to my ear. _

_"Someone is gonna die when you listen to me... Let the living die, let the living die!" _

_"Say," continued the majin, and he smirked at me. The one in front of me smiled and moved closer, so that our bodies touched. _

_"Wake up, are you alive, will you listen to me?"_

_"I'm gonna talk about some freaky shit now," and as the majin said this, the humanlike me smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck. Too frightened to move, I looked into his ruby red eyes. _

_"Someone is gonna die when you listen to me, let the living die, let the living die! Say!" _

_"Are you breathing, now? Do the wicked see you," murmured the majin, "You still breathing... you're making me known... Are you breathing, now... do the wicked see you? You still breathing?" _

_"So! What's up? I wonder why do you listen to me." _

_"I'm gonna make you do some freaky shit now..." _

_"Insane, you're gonna die when you listen to me, let the living die, let the living die." _

_"Say," said the little voice in my ear, and I was horrified when I felt his tongue move across the shell of my ear. _

_"What's up, I wonder why do you listen to me," said the one in front of me, smiling insanely. _

_"I'm gonna make you do some freaky shit now," said the majin once he removed his tongue, only to blow on my ear, causing my to shiver from the cold. In response, the one in front pressed his hips to mine, and chuckled at the look on my face. _

_"Insane, you're gonna die when you listen to me! Let the living die, let the living die! Say!" _

_"Are you breathing, now, do the wicked see you? You still breathing, you're making me known. Are you breathing, now? Do the wicked see you?" _

_The majin pressed against me, and tilted his head so that he could look at me. He smiled darkly and I felt his arm move away from my shoulders so that his hand could thread through my hair... lovingly... sickly lovingly... _

_"YOU STILL BREATHING!" _

_"So! Can you imagine how good going through this will make you feel," whispered the other one, resting his head on the shoulder of the majin. _

_"I promise, no one will ever know," continued the majin, his hand curling possessively in my hair, "There will be no chance of you ever getting caught..." _

_"They never loved you, anyway. So come one, be a man," and the humanlike me tugged at my neck, causing me to topple slightly, but effectively placing him and me face to face. _

_"And do what you're compelled to do," continued the majin, and he placed his lips on my neck. His tongue probed out and began to trace random patterns on my skin... I almost retched, but the one in front of me caught my attention. _

_He leaned towards me, staring at my lips, and all I felt was fear. Leaning in closer, there was only an inch between our lips. _

_Smirking, his eyes shining, he got closer, until—_

_"Save me, GOD!" And his voice echoed through the darkness when he pressed his lips forcefully against mine. _

_Crying out, I tried to move, but both the majin and the humanlike me held me in a tight grip. I felt him smirk against me lips and effortlessly, he had my mouth open and his tongue swept in. _

_Nausea took hold of me as I felt 'my' tongue probe around in my mouth, drawing out unpleasant feelings. The majin at my side continued his ministrations on my neck, his lips moving towards my collarbone, and I felt his fangs lightly pierce the skin. _

_Groaning desperately, I tried to get away, but the hand in my hair tightened painfully, keeping me in place. The hand released its grip and moved down the nape of my neck, to curl comfortably there. _

_The one kissing me was still smirking as he ran his tongue over mine. Something unwanted came into my mind, and I grew desperate. I needed out! _

_His tongue swooped across my fangs before he pulled away, the majin following suite before his lips went any further. _

_"I can hear the voice, but I don't want to listen... strap me down and tell me I'll be alright," murmured the humanlike me breathlessly, the smirk never leaving his face. _

_"I can feel the subliminal need to be one with the voice... and make everything go," said the majin, tilting his head, his yellow eyes shining. _

_"I can hear the voice, but I don't want to listen. Strap me down and tell me I'll be alright."_

_"I can feel the subliminal need to be one with the voice. And make everything all right. Are you breathing, now? Do you the wicked see you? You still breathing...? You're making me known," continued the majin, his hand leaving my hair to trace my spine. _

_"Are you breathing, now, do the wicked see you? You still breathing!" The majin shouted triumphantly and the other one's smirk grew. _

_"So... are you breathing? So... do you breathe, now, now?" The humanlike me continued to eye me with his ruby eyes, which was unsetting. I was now my _ow_n victim..._

_"So, are you breathing? So... do you breathe... NOW!" He yelled this so loudly, that both of their grips on me faltered. Finally breaking away from them, I stumbled away, as they stood side by side, smiling. _

_Groaning, I tried to get up, but the darkness was crowding me... I needed out, now! _

_I heard them chuckling and I turned back to look at them, but they were gone. I was all alone... again... _

_Screaming, I began to writhe on the ground, clutching my head. _

_"NO! I WANT OUT...! NOW!" _

_No one answered back and I cried out. _

_"PLEASE...! PLEASE, LET ME OUT!" _

_I heard someone yell, and someone try to quiet them. _

_"Quiet, Mr. Urameshi! You're not even supposed to be here-!"_

_"Shut up, hag! What the fuck's up with Hiei?" _

_Voices... not more..._

_"NO! JUST LET ME OUT! PLEASE!" _

_"Hiei! What the hell-!" _

_"Mr. Urameshi, leave! Now! You're not helping-!" _

_"Neither are you! He's-!" _

_"STOP IT! PLEASE...! JUST STOP FUCKING YELLING," I screamed as loud as I could, my breath momentarily held... could I get it back...? _

_"Damn it... breathe Hiei!" _

_"Mr. Urameshi, leave now!" _

_Dots floated in front of my eye and my struggling stopped. Was this the end? _

_Then I felt a soothing hand on my forehand, gently stroking back the bangs. Crying out, I started to struggle again. _

_"Shhh, Hiei... shhh... Go back to sleep... it's alright, just go back to sleep..." _

_"Please... I just want out... that's all..." _

_"I know... I know, but right now you need to go to sleep..." _

_"Wait, lady... he's already sleeping."_

_"Mr. Urameshi, I told you to leave-"_

_"Yeah, well my friend needs some help, okay an' I-"_

_At the sound of someone arguing, I began to struggle again, the darkness closing in on me. Can't they just stop? _

_"Mr. Urameshi, Mr. Hiei is about to go haywire again if you don't shut up!" _

_"Why don't you shut up, you old hag?" _

_"STOP YELLING! NOW!" _

_"Hiei! Calm down, please... just go back to sleep," I felt the hand in my hair move down my face, trying to reassure me. _

_"Just stop... no more yelling..." _

_"Okay... but I need you to go to sleep... calm down, Hiei, it'll be okay... I'm here and so is Yusuke... we're both here..." _

_Breathing erratically, my struggles ceased and I leaned into the touch and soft words. _

_"Yeah... we're here, shrimp... go back to sleep, 'kay? It'll be alright, I promise..." _

_Blinking into the darkness, I became aware of the coolness that was in the air. It was calming... only slightly though. _

_"I... just want it to go away... The darkness..." _

_"Shhh... I know, just go to sleep... It'll be light when you wake up..." _

_"Promise...?"_

_"Yes, I promise." _

_"Same here, shrimp, same here..." _

_Before my eyes closed, I saw light. _

_Promise kept. _

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_Voices_ lyrics (c) to Disturbed 


	6. Games of the Mind

Games of the Mind

When I woke up, I was quickly aware of the voices in my room.

Still too tired to open my eyes, I simply rolled over on my side and feigned sleep.

"What happened yesterday proves my theory. I believe that Mr. Hiei suffers from night terrors."

I could hear the intakes of breath from someone as they took that information.

"Night terrors? But doctor, don't night terrors usually effect children...?"

That was the fox. He didn't sound like he cared, but more like he was making a statement.

"Yes... but adults can experience them too. There is also some speculation to whether or not night terrors are actually hereditary. But since we don't have Mr. Hiei's hospital records or family records, that will almost be impossible to tell."

"So... if he's having night terrors, that doesn't explain the episode in the other room... the one where he attacked Koenma, because he was awake," murmured Kayko, and I was rather surprised to hear her voice.

"It does, actually... it is possible that Koenma had said something that triggered something in Mr. Hiei that caused him to remember a little bit of his night terror, causing him to react. That is why I ask none of you to ask him to remember what happened; he could have another episode."

"Then how do we cure him?" That was Botan. How many people were in the room?

"There is no definite cure for night terrors... but there are three steps that help soothe the person. One: gentleness. Two: disposing anything near the subject that could cause injury. Three: avoid speaking too loudly, like yelling, or movements that may frighten the subject even further."

The next time Kacheysi spoke, she sounded mildly agitated.

"The night terror last night nearly escalated to a dangerous point when Mr. Urameshi burst in and began yelling at me to help his friend. This only proved to frighten Mr. Hiei even more, and if Mr. Urameshi didn't take the hint as quickly as he did, Mr. Hiei could have seriously injured himself and or us."

"Well, excuse me! He was screamin' at someone to let him 'out', an' it was rather frightenin' as well, 'cause that's not what Hiei does."

"I understand, Mr. Urameshi, but did you see how more agitated he got once you started yelling? You only frightened him! And when he momentarily stopped breathing, that was also because of your yelling."

I could tell that Yusuke was getting ready to say something else, but Kacheysi cut in.

"I know, Mr. Urameshi. He's your friend; you were only worried about him. But please, next time I tell you to do something, I suggest you do it."

"Yeah, yeah, lady... I got it... stupid old hag, tellin' me how to treat my friends..."

A loud slap resonated in through the room and I resisted the urge to chuckle.

"Damn it! What the hell was that for!"

"That was for talking back to the doctor, Yusuke! She's right; she knows more about this then you do, so you should just let her help Hiei."

I was momentarily shocked for a moment at Yusuke's woman's outburst. Did she even realize what she said?

"Right... whatever..."

"It's alright, Mr. Urameshi... I can see that you care very much for your friend, so your anger is very understandable. But, now, I need to ask you... what type of measures will you take to help Mr. Hiei?"

There was a long eerie silence as no one spoke. Maybe they didn't really want to help me. Perhaps they were just putting up a face in front Kacheysi, just playing the worried friends they were supposed to be...

"If he stayed wit' one of us... would that help," murmured... Kuwabara?

"What do you mean, Mr. Kuwabara?"

"I mean, if he had one of them night terrors, an' one of us was there to calm 'im, would that work?"

"Well... yes, I think it would work. With one of you with, perhaps his mind can be put to ease, knowing that his friends are there. All right, it's settled then, one of you will take Mr. Hiei in and monitor him during his night terrors."

Great, like spending two weeks in Botan's house wasn't enough, I now get to spend time in someone else's house. Yippee.

"So, who'd like to take Mr. Hiei in?"

It didn't take long for some one to rise to the challenge.

"I'll do it. Back at my apartment, there's more than enough room."

"That's very kind of you, Mr. Urameshi, but are you sure that your wife...?"

"It'll be okay, Dr. Kacheysi. I'd like to help Hiei in anyway possible..."

Okay, so the girl that I had threatened upon first meeting her wanted to help me? Dear God, what were these people coming to?

Trying not to make a sound, I rolled over on my back and heaved a long, but soft sigh.

"All right, then. Mr. and Mrs. Urameshi will take in Mr. Hiei and watch his progress with the night terrors. I believe, once he wakes up and he gets the Fluphenazine out of his system, he'll be ready to go with you in no time."

"I'm just going to have to ask you a couple of medical questions about him, to make sure you can handle him. So, had Mr. Hiei ever shown any signs of depression or suicidal tendencies?"

"Uh... no, not really," said Yusuke, and I could tell he had a confused expression on his face. If he knew what happened during Mukuro's training, he'd have changed his answer.

"Good. Has he ever done drugs or is he an alcoholic?"

Shit, Kacheysi got straight to the point, didn't she?

"Nah, not the shrimp," piped up Kuwabara, chuckling, "He's never done anythin' like that!"

I waited for Botan, Koenma, or Kurama to speak up, but none of them did.

Oh, so you guys get to ridicule me in private then, is that it?

"That's a very good sign; the alcohol and or drugs could cause his night terrors to be more... graphic then they already are, judging by how he reacts to them. One more does Mr. Hiei show any mental problems? Like... a phobia?"

Phobias... hmm, those jack asses wouldn't know if I had any phobias because I never told them about it.

"Claustrophobia or agoraphobia," spoke up Kurama, sounding intellectual as always. I nearly choked: how'd he-?

"What makes you think that, Mr. Minamino," murmured Dr. Kacheysi, sounding curious.

"Well, Dr. Kacheysi, I've never seen Hiei near any crowed area, and when we are in a room, he is usually near a door or window. And when we ask him to join us somewhere, he usually declines. I think it's because there's a possibility that he may be placed in a crowed area."

"Yeah! An' we sometimes find 'im sleep—hangin' in trees," cried Yusuke, effectively not telling the good doctor that I slept in trees.

"Hmm... it sounds like he's an agoraphobic, rather then claustrophobic. I'm amazed that he actually makes it outside! His must have a mild form, then."

Damn it... now they'd probably put a leash on me or something of the like.

"I can see that not all of you know what an agoraphobic suffers from. Agoraphobics fear crowed areas, and usually go out of their way to avoid them, like what Mr. Urameshi said about the trees. Most people suffering from agoraphobia stay confined in their houses, which is why I'm surprised Mr. Hiei can move freely without exhibiting signs of agoraphobia."

"Despite the sound of it, agoraphobics and claustrophobics alike can experience discomfort or panic attacks in confined areas or open spaces. Agoraphobics mostly get their panic attacks when the feeling of not being able to escape comes over them, almost the same with claustrophobics, it just happens in closed off areas more often in public areas."

"So... is there any treatment for agoraphobia," Kayko asked softly, and she sounded generally worried.

"Yes. There are several anti-anxiety medications, or even anti-depressants from the SSRI class. Therapy is also recommended, but I suppose we'll try the medication first, right," asked Kacheysi.

"Yes, I don't think we'll have enough time from therapy, anyway," said Koenma slowly, sounding thoughtful.

"All right, I'll assign alprozolam as his prescription then. I believe that is all I have to tell you right now. All I ask is that you make sure when Mr. Hiei is asleep, there are no objects that could injure him and that he takes his medication everyday."

"Well, good day..." I heard the rustle of robes as Dr. Kacheysi left the room, shutting the door loudly as she left.

"Okay...," and Botan let that intelligent thought trail off.

"I had no idea... that Hiei had night terrors and was afraid of... open spaces," Kayko continued, and she sighed heavily, "That's rather... horrible..."

"Well, I'm not sure if he's had night terrors all of his life, or if they recently started," answered Kurama, and it sounded like he was trying to calm her.

"Yeah... Well, shouldn't we wake Three Eyes up, so he can get that stuff outta his system," asked Yusuke, and before I knew it, I felt hands on my shoulders as the detective shook me.

Groaning, I tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"Wake up," he murmured, trying to be gentle in case I'd break down again. Growling, I opened my eyes and stared up at his brown ones.

"Let me go," I said clearly, trying to sound deadly, despite the fact that I was the most vulnerable in the room.

"Had a good sleep," he asked cheekily as he let go of me and stood up straight. Blink tiredly, I looked around the room.

It was a dark gray, with only two redwood chairs near the bed. And those two chairs happened to be occupied by Botan and Koenma. Kayko stood behind Yusuke, looking over his shoulder worriedly, her hands on her swollen stomach.

Kuwabara stood near the 'happy couple' and crossed his arms at my sour expression.

"The runt's diagnosed wit' some crazy stuff, an' all he can do is look angry."

"And all you can do is look ugly, but you don't hear others' complaining, do you," I said slowly, looking at him with deadly intent. He looked like he was going to bite the bait but with a sharp look from Yusuke, he kept his mouth shut.

"Whatever, runt."

Rubbing my eyes, I looked away and stared at me lap. I could see the white cotton hospital gown that I was wearing and wondered briefly where my clothes.

Pulling my arm in front of me, I was happy to see that I had a gown with long sleeves, instead of the ones with short sleeves. Sighing, I looked back at them and noticed that they were all looking at me curiously.

"What," I asked, and regretted it later.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Jumping, I looked around and was surprised to see the fox on my left side, leanings against the wall that the headrest of the bed rested on.

"W-what...?" I didn't care if my voice shook; I wasn't comfortable with him this close to me.

"Do you remember what happened last night? Anything?"

"Kurama! Dr. Kacheysi told us that we shouldn't try to get him to remember anything," cried Botan, looking shocked. Kurama shrugged briefly.

"And? It's important that we know what he's dreaming, so that we can try to help him."

"But that's not what the doctor said! She told us that he shouldn't try to remember; that he could have another breakdown!"

What was with people and refusing to say my name? It was rather annoying.

"Botan, if we know what causes his night terrors and what he dreams about, we can try to prevent them from happening. It's important to know what he's-"

"Can you please try to use my goddamn name?"

Every one looked at me, and I glowered.

"I really do hate being talked about like that, even when I'm in fucking room," I continued, trying to get my point across to the fox more then any one else. Kurama looked at me angrily.

"Well, now that we know what _you_ want... how about telling me what _I_ want? What did you dream about?"

The others looked shocked at Kurama's treatment of me, but I took it in stride and scowled at him.

"That's none of your business, Shuichi."

"It is... if we're meant to help you, Imi-"

"Don't call me that," I murmured dangerously, "just don't call me that..."

Kurama crossed his arms and looked away from me, his eyes briefly going gold.

"Hmm... Yusuke said you were yelling to 'be let out'... were you in a room...?"

"Drop it, Kurama," said person cried angrily, backing away from the fox.

"I don't remember," I answered evenly.

"Were there other people with you?"

"Kurama-!"

"I don't remember..."

"You don't have to answer, Hiei!" That was Kayko.

"Were you being tortured?"

"I don't... remember..."

"Just shut up, Kurama! He's not supposed to remember!"

"Were we there...?"

"I don't...," I stopped, my eyes widening. _Deception..._

"What," Kurama said, rather impatiently.

"I-I..."

"Something wrong, Hiei," asked Kayko kindly, looking at Kurama angrily. I shook my head and closed my eyes forcefully. _Just leave us alone!_

"N-no..."

"See, ya' idiot! Ya' made him... scared...," said Yusuke, moving towards Kurama. _He can't change his stripes! _

"Calm down, Yusuke," Koenma said patiently, though he sounded slightly worried. _An outrage!_

"S-s-stop..."

"It's okay, Hiei, it's okay," Botan moved towards me, trying to calm me from my state. _Forshame._

"Runt... just calm down, 'kay? Kurama, get outta here," Kuwabara said, standing up for me. _He asked for trouble the moment he came. _

"I won't. Isn't it obvious that he's remembering something from the night terrors? We need to know what."

"Yeah, but its... just get outta here so he can calm down!"

"Not till he tells me what was in his dreams..."

"He won't tell you anything now that he's like this!"

"Yeah, so get the fuck out!"

"Yusuke! Watch your language!"

"Ya' didn't say that when Hiei cussed!"

"Guys, stop yelling! The nurses might have to ask us to leave!"

"All of you calm down now. Yelling will get us no where..."

_And neither will staying quiet... but you don't hear me complaining..._

Crying out, I jerked my head into the headrest behind me, frightening the others.

Kurama jumped away from me, green eyes wide.

"Hiei...?"

"Just... shut up," I murmured, closing my eyes forcefully. There was pain in my head from where I bashed it against the headrest. Clutching my head, I began to hyperventilate.

"Hiei... what's wrong...," that was the fox again and it angered me to know that he sounded worried.

_A bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? _

"J-just... go... a-all o-of you... g-g-go..."

"But-," Yusuke began, but Kurama shook his head fiercely. The detective immediately shut his mouth.

_Hmm... you're finally getting a hold of your emotions, dear. I'm so proud. _

"P-please... p-please go..." Why weren't they leaving? Why couldn't they leave!

"Hiei," began Kurama calmly, "we're not going to leave... we _need_ to stay... to help..."

_Now, now... lying won't get him anywhere... _

"You don't want... to help...," I murmured angrily, opening my eyes to look at him. His eyes widened further and he moved away from me.

"You don't give a flying shit if... if I... Don't lie to yourself, fox... just don't do that..."

I expected the 'voice' to have some snappy comment, but it didn't respond and I was thankful for that.

Blinking dully at the fox, I sunk back into the bed, my hands still holding my head as I snuggled into the pillow.

"I don't... want to remember, okay? I... just remember... fear, betrayal, and more unwanted feelings... and words, unwanted words..."

"Do you remember... what those words were," Kurama asked softly, and he sounded as if he knew that he was venturing into dangerous territory.

Closing my eyes, I nodded slowly.

"Yes... yes, I do..." My muscles tensed, and my hands slowly moved away from my head, only to clutch around my stomach.

"I remember all of you... and more... I remember darkness, and..."

"It's okay," murmured the fox, looking at me sadly, "you don't have to tell us anything."

"Yeah... we'll... just go now an' come get ya' when... that shit's outta your system," Yusuke told me softly, nodding. Before I knew it, they were all walking away, leaving me alone.

I sighed, and closed my eyes and hugged myself tighter.

I wasn't aware of the time that passed, but soon enough, a nurse came in with my cloak, telling me that I had better get dressed because my friends had come to pick me up.

Quickly changing into my clothes, deciding not to wear the cloak because of the heat, I walked of my room and began to make my way towards the waiting room.

I found Yusuke and his woman waiting patiently in chairs. Upon seeing me, they jumped up and walked towards me.

"Hey... my mom says that its okay... so, ya' can come stay with us," Yusuke said, smiling broadly. Kayko nodded, leaning comfortably against the detective's shoulder.

"So, are you ready to come," she asked, and I nodded vaguely. With a soft smile, Kayko placed her hand on my shoulder and gave a squeeze.

I looked at her, rather shocked that she would show this type of emotion.

"It's okay... we're going to help you. I promise." With that, she let go and began walking away, presumably towards the entrance. Yusuke looked on after her and nodded, before looking back at me.

"She's right. C'mon, let's get outta here," and he held out a bandaged hand and a wave of guilt hit me. He must've noticed my expression, because he immediately withdrew.

"Don't worry, it wasn't your fault! Ya'... ya' were still dreamin' when it happened... don't worry 'bout, 'kay?"

He smiled at me, and began to lead me towards the entrance.

"Oh, an' we have go some medicine for ya'," he said, as we walked out of the doors, "It's called... 'alprozolam', I think... gay name, if ya' ask me..." I smirked slightly and shook me head.

Kayko was already waiting for us near a green sedan. Before long, I was piled into the back seat and the detective and his girl were in the front.

Without putting on my seatbelt, I curled in the left corner of the backseat, closing my eyes. When we got to Yusuke's home, his mother was already waiting for him.

Getting out, I noticed that his mother looked completely sober. Interesting, and I used to think that me and her and so much in common.

"Yusuke," she said slowly, looking at me, "this the guy we haffta take in for... them dreams..."

"Yeah, mom. Ya' met him at Kayko's baby shower..." Atsuko's eyes widened and then she smiled.

"Oh right! The one wit' the hair!" She smiled at me and led the way into the apartment.

It really hadn't changed from the last time I had been there and I quickly moved to sit on the couch.

Yusuke went into the kitchen to talk with Atsuko, leaving me alone with Kayko.

She sighed, and hugged her stomach, before looking at me.

"You get to... sleep in the guest room, if that's alright," she murmured, and was obviously trying to gain my trust.

I hadn't talked to Kayko much, not after I had kidnapped her. In a way, I was glad she didn't remember that.

She probably wouldn't be acting so civil wit me if she knew otherwise.

"It's fine..." She smiled at me.

"Well, come on! I'll show it to you." And with that, I followed her through the apartment. Walking past two rooms that I presumed were the master bedroom and Atsuko's, we turned to left door near the end of the hallway.

"Here it is," Kayko said, and opened the door. It was a modest room, with a Western style bed in the corner, far away from the door.

I stepped in, looking at the wooden floorboards and then up to the sky blue walls. It was... nice.

"Do you... like it...?" I turned back towards the woman, and she was looking at me shyly. Did my thoughts on the way she decorated her house matter so much to her?

"Yes... it's... comfortable..." She nodded, and seemed comfortable with the answer and smiled.

"Good... I'll let you get set up then, 'kay?"

Without waiting for an answer, she left. I was alone... _again_, and decided to make the most of it.

Closing the door, I continued to survey the room. The bed was as far from the door as possible, and wasn't even near the window.

"Damn it," I murmured. I was quickly reminded of my 'phobia'.

It was true, I guess. I never liked open spaces; there was almost absolutely no way to escape them and that... made me feel vulnerable. Maybe that explained my habit of sleeping in trees.

Moving towards the bed, I began to push it near the window. It wasn't hard, and in a matter of seconds, it was right under the window.

And Yusuke just happened to walk in right after I was finished moving the bed.

"Hey... wasn't that bed over there," and he pointed vaguely over to its original position. I nodded, looking away from him.

"But why- oh!" He approached me.

"Um... Hiei... the doc thinks that ya' are an... agoraphobic, somethin' about not likin' open spaces or not bein' able to escape."

I nodded again and he sighed.

"Anyway, that's what this is for," and he produced a pill. I stared at it and looked back at him.

"The pill with the gay name," I asked and he smirked.

"Yep! It's supposed to help ya' with the phobia, or somethin' like that..." Taking the pill, I dry swallowed it and looked back at the bed. Yusuke moved away from, obviously thinkin that this was when I needed my alone time.

When I heard the door shut, I sighed and sat on the bed.

It was going to be a long time before I got used to this.

_If _I got used to this.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Now please, I don't want anyone saying that Kurama is being OOC in this chapter. There is a reason he's acting like this. Conflicting emotions, if you ask me. He's angry at Hiei for making the choice to become an alcoholic, and worried at the same time because he knows that night terrors aren't the best things to have. Or... Kurama may be manic-depressive or have a personality disorder (Shuichi/Youko/Kurama).

Just know, that there is a reason that he is acting like this and it is purposeful for him to act like he hates Hieione moment, and cares for him the next.

**_ICBINA_**


End file.
